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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Post.


New Year's Eve. Busy-busihan na ang mga tao dito sa bahay, ako, wala nakikinig lang ng music habang tinatamad na kumilos kahit wala naman akong ginawa buong araw, ako na tamad. Anyway, ang ganda pala ng cover na toh ng Boys Avenue, lalo tuloy akong tinatamad. Btw, Happy New Year Bloggers =)

Friday, December 30, 2011

Segway.

Hindi ko alam kung ano kaburechechehan nanaman ang ipopost ko. Ganto kasi e, inlab ako, so sinusubukan kong magpost dito ng nakakakilig, kaso hindi ko kasi forte ang mangurot ng damdamin, ewan ko ba, hindi lang talaga kasi ata ako sweet. Kaya asahan mo ng mapakla-pakla na may panaka-nakang maarnibal na lasa ang mga susunod mong mababasa, ganoon e, baklang maton ako.

Inlab ako, sa parehang lalakeng kina-inlaban ko dalawang taon at dalawang buwan na ang nakakalipas. Sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan, hindi ako komportableng sabihin tong mga salita na toh, pero sige naumpisahan na e. Naku naman.

Sa lahat ng lalakeng nakilala ko, masasabi kong sya ang pinakamatino. Ayoko kasi ng mga lalakeng daig pa mga bakla kung mag-ayos, kung magself-grooming e over na sa over. Ayoko din ng puro DOTA tsaka kung ano-anong pangbatang gawain lang ang inaatupag. Minsan kasi nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend na tuwing magkikita kami e puro character sa DOTA ang ikinekwento sakin, mga long range, short range, scourge, skills, cooling time, sentinel, viper, mega kill, killing spree, god-like at kung ano ano pang DOTA jargons na hindi ko naman maintindihan. Para lang syang nakikipag-kwentuhan sa mga kabarkada nyang computer shop na ang ginagawang bahay. Hindi sa nagseselos ako sa DOTA, dahil napakawalang kwentang gawain ang magselos, lalo na sa mga ganoong mga bagay, ang babaw.

Teka nga, inlab nga pala ako. Back to the topic.

Kung may isang bagay ka na pinakagusto mo sa taong mahal mo ano yun?

Lahat.

Yun dapat ang sagot. Mata, ilong, lips, ngipen, kuyukot, ngala-ngala, buhok sa ilong, abs, susmarya, hindi ba dapat mas magandang marinig na gusto mo ang lahat sa kanya? Kung ikaw ba ang makakarinig na ang gusto sayo ng taong mahal mo e yung kilikili mo lang na maputi, hindi ba’t nakakainis yun? Sana pala nagging kili-kili ka na lang, ng sa ganoon e hindi mo na pagseselosan pati sarili mong kili-kili.

Ito ang isa sa mga problema ko, hindi ko kayang tumapos ng isang buong article na may iisang topic. Ewan ko ba, sadyang ganto lang talaga siguro ang utak ko, assorted. Lalo na pagdating sa mga bagay na alam kong may malaking koneksyon sa buhay ko, asahan mo, hindi ako magiging seryoso sa pagsulat, sa pagkwento.

Alam naman nya na-inlab ako sa kanya e. Siguro yun na lang muna sa ngayon.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Madaming beses na akong nakadaan sa mga hagdang may drawing na ganto pero ..



.. ako lang ba ang nag-iisang ang akala sa ganitong drawing noong bata pa e para lang sa mga natatae? Haha. Pag-genius nga naman XD 

Bidding Farewell.




It’s by accident that you came in my life, I never planned it neither you do. It’s just by God’s will that we met, and all the things happened, I know it wasn’t a part of your schema or whatever foolishness I have once thought you’re drowning me into. I believe you are a good guy, a kind hearted person, you, just like any other, just like me sometimes, has just been overwhelmed by the moment and had been indulged into something pathetic, into something not decent enough to be kept reminiscing, I know you didn’t meant it, I know you didn’t.

I know you never wanted to play with my feelings, I know you never intended to give me false hopes, its just I anticipated too much, its just I expected way beyond what you can give, or at least.  

Your only fault is that you’ve shown me a very insignificant affection, and the rest, it’s all mine. I tricked my own feelings, I trivialized my own acts, and without prior knowledge with the future consequences of the deeds I done, I went to a point where I have blamed you, cursed you even. And I know its all invalid. The miseries I have are only the resonance of what I’ve done.

Forgive me for blaming you all the pains I had, all the disappointments I reasoned you because. Forgive me for expecting more than the friendship I know, the most you can only give. Forgive me for the awkwardness we have now, the distance we have now.

I miss being friends with you, if only I can go back to those times where I am the one you’re calling at night. I am the one you’re getting advice to, I am the one your telling your plans to, I am the one who constantly making you laugh. How I wish, I can undo things.

I am finally, letting go of you, of your memory, and of all the things we had and lost. Some things just don’t last, unfortunately, ours doesn’t.

And for once and for all, I am bidding farewell.

Baby :’>



You can never really define love until someone will come and define it for you.

I’m not the type of person who’s always ‘pa-sweet’ and sorts whenever they are with the person they like. I would just be me, if he won’t notice me then so be it. But no matter how frigid and cold you are, there will always be that special someone who will turn you into the total reciprocal of who you used to be. And in my case, I’ve found that person.

Its feels so amazing realizing how gigantic the world is, with a billion numbers of strangers, and yet you’ve found that special apple among the mob, it’s magical. 

That feeling when a simple smile is melting every single heart beat you have, when a mere stare is shaking the entire strength out you. That no matter how much you focus on the words he speak, you can’t just resist to be amazed by how special the person talking in front of you is, by how lucky you are that in a billion of people in the world, he chose you.

You can’t help but to daydream about the both of you growing old together with, looking back to all the heart aches, pains and letting go, you know everything had been paid-off way beyond enough.

Hay love, it can really make you or break you. You can never predict what will going to happen, who will going to come. And that I’ve learned that searching, chasing for everything isn’t really a good thing to do.

 Wait, that’s what I did, patience, that’s what I’ve learned, the right guy, that’s who I’ve got. And now I’m happy, superbly happy. J

Monday, December 19, 2011

If you miss a grip of what’s keeping you still, you will fall for every pretenses people do. Not all emotions are significant, whereas feelings. Learn to be tough, because life’s a bitch, and so people are.

Kahel

Kungwari may sense ang mga susunod kung sasabihin, pwede ba yun?

Nakakaantok na hapon, Christmas break e wala ng pasok. Day off muna ako sa pakikipag-amazing race sa mga katulad kong walang kakayahang bumili ng sariling sasakyan (o maski ng pedicab) sa pagcommute. Tigil din muna ako sa pagpakyaw  ng tindang ‘kareyoka’ ni Aling baby tuwing breaktime, tigil muna sa pagbanyo ng mag-isa, pagkain ng mag-isa, pag-library ng mag-isa at ng lahat ng gawaing mas masaya kung may mga kasama kang gagawa (at hindi kasama yung nasa isip mo). At nga pala tigil din sa pag-abot ng allowance si ermat, kaya pati mga bechingko sa ilalim ng mga aparador e pinapatus ko na rin. Napakasimpleng hapon, alanganing end of the world na alanganing Jurassic era yung langit, ma-gray gray na may panaka-nakang budbud ng tangerine, napakaganda (ko).

Kakatapos ko lang ngumata ng buns na may palamang peanut butter na donasyon ng may ginintuan kong pusong tiyahin, medyo narinig nya ata yung parinig ko na gusto kong kumain ng tinapay na may peanut butter, napakabuti talaga ng diyos. Bago yun e kumain din ako ng kanin, ulam e corned beef na may patatas, kanina ko pang umaga ulam yun, ugali lang talaga kasi ng nanay ko na magluto ng ulam nila ni papa at namin ng kapatid ko na pangbuong araw na, kaya yung corned beef na may patatas namin, isang drum.

Kanina pang umaga na puro kain-tulog-computer lang ang ginagawa ko, walang magawa e. Ayoko rin naman maggala dahil bukod sa wala akong pera, wala talaga kong pera. Kaya eto, pagbuburo sa sarili na lang muna ang inaatupag ko.

Isang buong araw ko ng tinititigan yung  mga isda sa aquarium, buti pa yung mga isda hindi alam yung frustrations tsaka priorities. Wala din silang lovelife, ang love life nila e in the form of coitus lang, no more no less. Ganyan kaaastig ang mga isda, no emotions attached ang pakikipagtalik nila. Walang oohh ahh at kung ano ano pang chains and whips na sa hindi ko malamang dahilan e gustong gusto ng mga tao (naten). Sadyang cool lang talaga siguro ang mga isda, kamukha ng sadyang hayok lang talaga ang mga tao.

Nga pala ilang araw ng lang pasko na, tapos new year na, tapos valentines na, mahal na araw, araw ng kalayaan, Halloween, tapos pasko nanaman, new year tapos uulit nanaman lahat ng nasabe ko sa itaas. Ang bilis ng panahon, parang kailan lang tuwing pasko, si mama e binibihisan pa kaming magkapatid  na mula ulo hanggang paa e ternong terno, mula sa pagkakatali ng buhok, hanggang sa damit, sapatos, pati medyas e parehong pareho, kaya madalas e napagkakamalan kaming kambal kahit limang taon yung tanda ko sa kanya (ganyan ako ka-baby face).

Dadating nanaman ang new year na bukod sa usok, wala ka ng ibang makikita kundi mga kwitis na di mo alam e mukha mo na pala ang target. Magsusulputan nanaman sa kalye ang mga batang ‘watusi exhibitioner’, magsusulputan na rin yung mga iba pang katulad kong halos mangisay na sa kaba tuwing inuutasang bumili ng vetsin, paminta at kung ano ano pang sahog na hindi na lang tag-iisang sako ang binili sa palengke ng hindi na nalalagay sa panganib ang mga buhay naming mga hindi gaanong fans ng mga paputok.

Time out muna at magtitimpla muna ako ng juice, aba bu-mlue yung langit, kung kelan maggagabi na tsaka naman nagging maganda yung kalangitan.

Tama na muna toh sa ngayon, kakain na ulit ako.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Nagcover, makakapal mukha e. XD

SOMEONE LIKE YOU BY ADELE ( ALL FALL DOWN COVER )


Si Kath yung nag-papiano ako yung naawit.  Mga trying hard kami. Haha XD

Feeling Photographer .


Recto, Manila.
( Basta lang shinot ito, ang init kasi ng mga panahong yun, ang trapik pa kaya nilakad na lang namin hanggang Divisoria.)


Yung sapin na papel sa tray ng Mcdo yan nung nagkita kami ng labidabs ko, Wehehe ;)


Footbridge sa may SM Marikina, nakuhaan nung nakipag-inuman kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa isang special friend. :)


Sa bahay, walang magawa e.


Sa bahay ulit. Hehe


Oo, sa bahay ulit. Paulit-ulit.


Sa may school ko nung High School.


Sa bahay :) Ako yan. Haha :D


Parang awa nyo na hindi talaga ako photographer at hindi DSLR ang gamit ko kaya wag kayong bitch. Haha Try try leng :)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Siesta Time



Alam mo yung ang dami dami mong naiisip pero sa di mo malamang dahilan e ang hirap hirap nilang isulat. Siguro, o sabihin na nating kadalasan, sarili mo lang talaga ang maaring makaintindi sa iniisip, nararamdaman at sinasabe nito.

Alas dos ng hapon, nadatnan kong walang katao-tao ang klasrum, kalat-kalat ang mga upuan at bukas ang lahat ng bentilador kahit wala namang gumagamit, hay naku naman. Walang makausap, walang makakwentuhan, wala pa kasi akong nagiging kaibigan sa klase. Isang oras pa bago ang susunod na klase, pero kahit isang oras pa ang hihintayin ko e nagpasya na akong pumasok na ng mas maaga.

Ramdam ko ang lamig sa loob ng kwarto, bagama’t may di maikukubling init ang dumadampi sa aking balat buhat ng katirikan ng araw. Maaliwalas ang lahat, ang mga ulap ay mistulang malalambot na marshmallow na tila inaaya akong lumipad kasama nila, ang mga dahon ng puno’y pumapagaspas tila ba’y nag-aaya sa mundo ng katahimikan at paghimbing. Gusto kong makiisa sa paligid, ngunit sa kawalang kasangguni, hindi dapat ako magpa-ubaya.

Nakikita ko ang mga berdeng bulubundukin at ang pag-iibang kulay nito buhat ng pagsayaw ng mga ulap. Ang mga sasakyang tila laruan ay parang bata kong pinagmasdan. Ang mga nagtataasang damo na tila ba’y sumasayaw sa iisang kumpas. Ang mga ibong paisa-isang dumadapo sa mga puno, mataal tagal na rin noong una ko itong natangis, at sa magkaparehang pagkakataon, ganoon pa rin at ako’y nag-iisa.

Napangiti ako’t napahawak sa nililipad kong buhok, napakalayo ng lugar na ito sa sentro ng pagiging sosyal. Napakasimple ng lahat ng bagay, payak at taimtim na nabubuhay.

Di ko maikakailang may lungkot na kumukubli sa aking isipan. Wala akong karamay, wala akong maaaring makakwentuhan hinggil sa kagandahang nasisilayan ko. Wala akong maaaring hingian ng opinion kung saan kaya papunta ang daang iyon at iyon.

Maraming nawala sa akin, may mga dumating ngunit ano pa’t nawala din. Pag-ibig, kaibigan, pamilya at ambisyon. Saan ko nga ba gustong lumipad? Saan ko nga ba gustong manahan? Ano ang kinatatakutan ko? Ano ang meron sa akin na dapat ko pang tuklasin? Sino nga ba ako at ano nga ba ang silbi ko sa mundo? Sino ang mga totoong nagmamahal sa akin at sino ang mga dapat kong mahalin? Kasing sagana ng mga bulaklak ng puno ng mangga dulot ng nalalapit na pag-usbong ang mga katanungang tumitimo sa aking sentido.

Gusto kong sumaya. Gusto kong maging malaya. Gusto kong magmahal at mahalin din. Gusto kong mabuhay ng may kabuluhan, ng payak ngunit may katuturan.

Marami pang gustong itinta ang aking pluma, ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, hahayaan ko munang isip ko lang ang sumarili sa kanya.

Kapiling ng mga ulap at hangin, mahahanap ko din ang tunay kong tahanan.

Just another enigma.

Its cold.

The rain’s kissing our skins fatally leading us to commit crimes we’re not supposed to commit.

Your eyes, they’re telling me stories of wonderlands and fairytales, the child within my heart is becoming naïve as she always does.

This cold shivers my knees, I’m becoming brittle and brittle.

Your smiles, they’re giving me vivid envisages of lovely summer memories I can hold on forever. Your voice’s giving my ears song of lullabies, keeping me awake and wandering at the same time. It’s really adorable how you speak. Go and tell me more of those beautiful places you’ve seen, amazing people you’ve met.

I search and search for a refuge I can hide my self into, a peculiar light had invited my eyes, I seek for it, I sought for it and so I witnessed its superfluous identity. Coldness had been out powered by invincible warmth, now I am relieved, or just I thought.

You must be kidding! I’ve also did those silly things when I was younger. Ha-ha, we’d be partners in crime then if we’d already met each other that time. Screw us. Ha-ha.

This is so much empathy, can I just see your face? Can I? 

That was so much fun talking to you, but wait, something’s wrong, something’s not suppose to happen, don’t talk to me too much, stop making me smile, refrain from making me laugh to your jokes, I might love you. You don’t want it right, me neither.

My heart keeps on pounding so hard, I looked at you, you seem so calm and easy, how am I suppose to ride your this-is-no-big-deal thing when I’m all panicking inside? Your heart must be numb with ice and stone, whoever would be hurt, you don’t give a single fuck, if I will be, if she will be, or if you will be either, you don’t care. You don’t care.

You’re beautiful. Everything about you is so special. Hold me once and I’ll never free you. Go control everything in me, I am yours to exploit.

As I was in the midst of the motions of this and that, he touched my chin and slightly tilted my face, and to no avail, I was left just closing my eyes as the only option I have. As our faces got closer, I felt his breath warm and special, slowly flown to my veins, to my spine and to my heart. His lips touched mine. It was a kiss. We’ve kissed.

And I was frozen.

Wherever you will go, just go and take me there. I don’t care how long the journey will be, just take me with you, just please take me with you.

It’s like cold and warmth intertwined. It’s soothing, excruciatingly delightful, grotesquetically adorable. I’m running out of breath, I am grasping for air, but none of these made me refuse each and every friction I had with yours. Of how you’ve held me tight in your arms, of how you’ve filled each spaces between my fingers with yours, of how you’ve caressed my heart. I’ve fell for them, for those, for you. Tell me this will last, tell me where not playing fools. My heart would be drastically hurt if you say no.

In a matter of second, all the things including the peculiar light I’ve thought that’ll guide my path had been obscured by the darkness.

No words had been uttered but it was crystal clear that it was all part of his scheme. No feelings involved, no emotions attached, pure schema. I lose the game, I failed to guard the thing he degradedly destroyed.

 He’s done with me, and he’s off living his life as if I’ve never existed. I was emotionally smothered. He’d consumed all the sanity in me, leaving me no pride to reap. I should’ve seen it beforehand. I should have.

All of a sudden, he’d vanished. All of a sudden, I was left alone. All of a sudden, it was all a dream.








Saturday, December 3, 2011

Paranoia


Afternoon.

An hour of sleep felt good. Everything seems so peaceful and meek, the trees, the wind, the sun’s fading warmth, everything is in their halcyon, but not this piece of cardiac muscle residing beneath my ribs. Oh yeah, cliché. I know, not cool.

What am I going to post? My life’s one heck of a rollercoaster ride lately and I still can’t cope up. I hate this feeling I have right now. So uncertain.

I want to move on from something I’m not really permitted to stay. Should I stay or leave? It doesn’t really matter, no one will care.

I’m missing someone, like I want to see him every night, talk to him every single minute, go out to different places with him, discuss every ideals we have, plan, oppose and predict the future. And by the end of the day we will watch the sun set together, in each other’s arms, smiling, talking and calling ourselves ‘friends’.

Hehe yeah, friends. I’m okay with it, for in fact it’s the only relationship we could ever have, we could ever be. When he leave, I don’t have the right to chase after him, when he cry I don’t have the right to make him happy, when he bleed I don’t have the right to heal him, when his afraid I don’t have the right to hide him in my arms, when his worried I don’t have the right to assure him what lies ahead, when he’s sick I don’t have the right to take care of him, when his broken I don’t have right to fix him, and when everything in his life is falling apart, I don’t have the right to pick each single pieces for him. 

I am just his friend.  Only a friend. No more, no less.


Tading !

The rain is blowing hard outside. It’s not a good night for walking and some of the stuffs I usually do. I’m alone in the house, with my laptop, I’m trying to be someone as poetic as the coldness of the breeze, but then, I can’t. My mind’s too lazy to be somehow productive, or at least ‘convincible’. It’s been a while since I’ve posted something on this blog, so just to signal that I still exist, here, try to comprehend with these ramble thoughts me myself don’t even understand.

Oh rain, please be good. Can you please catalyze your amount and fall dramatically just like on the Hollywood movies, we’ve used to watch together? I need an inspiration. I really do, so rain, if you will not cooperate, all of this crap I have made, I will blame it onto you. Bleeh.

(-.-)

Oh yeah, an hour have already passed, and the rain, still as frolic as a clumsy child. I better end this thing now. By the way I made it to the dean’s list. Um, just nothing. Hehe.

Adios.