Tuesday, May 28, 2013


Can this afternoon be more cliché? The rain is pouring, my heart is breaking, I’m all alone in the house, and I can’t decipher my own thoughts. I’ve been emotionally constipated for I no longer remember, and I don’t know if there’s something wrong with that, neither do I know if it’s in any chances right. I don’t feel anything at all and I have no idea how to feel and what to feel on certain circumstances anymore. It’s like my emotional switch has been turned off. I feel like I’m stuck and I feel the need for a long walk to somewhere or a bus ride to only-god-knows-where. I used to be so jolly and talkative, and in an I-don’t-know-how trick, I became the complete opposite of the person I was once. I don’t feel like going out with my friends, don’t like talking to others about how I feel (because none of them do really listen and they would just rather tell me to shrug it off and tell me to start to visit places outside my cave), don’t feel like catching up with what’s going on with their lives (because I don’t want them to catch up with mine). I just want to travel alone. Try to figure out things in life, try to you know, see better with all these clouds above my head. I want to be in a different place, with a different culture, to be surrounded by different people who have no single idea who I am, and just be a different person. I want to be in a place where I can run naked on the street and no one will give a damn, a place where I can lie down beneath the stars and no one will think that I’m just wasting my time, a place where there’s winter and fall and spring, a place where I can ink my skin of Bieber’s face, a Japanese translation of Harlem Shake, and no one will tell me I’m gross, judge me that I’m a drug addict, a whore or a herpes carrier and no one will have an estimation of my IQ Level based on my physique. Not that I really care of whatever people say, just for once, I just wanted to be myself, without any norms checking out on me every fucking time. I know life is no chick flick, it goes from horror to comedy to musical and you just can’t pick for yourself and I know going to different places will not suddenly bring me to realization of whatever I’m trying to unravel, but I know it’s a good start, and I want it more than anything to start now.