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Thursday, November 3, 2011

CHANGE – You seem so improbable.


I am not the most lovable person in the planet but when I love, I give my all. People misunderstood me for not being serious on any relationship that I embrace, and I can’t blame them for that, that’s my defense mechanism. Most often than not, I am showing the robust side of me so that I can protect something soft on the inside.

I show how I feel through the things and way I know simple but sincere. I am not a fan of gifts, chocolates, roses and some of those clich├ęs, for I firmly believe that love is more than those fancy-fancy things. So when it comes to receiving some things, I’d rather receive a letter.

The longest relationship I’ve been is 2 years, and yes we’re counting still. We’ve just celebrated our 2nd anniversary last Oct. 25th and, yeah, um, things start to go sour. He’s always busy, and I understand him though. He is a good and a diligent man and I commend him for that. He’s always about his family and that thing about him really impresses me the most, but, I think he’s starting to be over occupied by that thinking that he’s starting to forget that he’s growing old, that he starting to forget me, he’s starting to forget us.
He’s very much different unlike any other guys. He would go malling simply wearing a shirt, his jersey shorts and a pair of slippers. He also care less about how he look, how his hair look, he could even spend the rest of the day without putting stuffs on his face in which some guys of his age wouldn’t be so cool about. He is very simple, way simpler than a piece of a blank paper.

When we’re together, he would constantly kiss me in the hands, in my cheek, in my forehead, in my shoulder, in my neck etc, and would tell me words of love almost every 3 minutes. He’s sweet in his own ways without forgetting to be gentleman still.

He would tell me to stop smoking, stop drinking and he even contradict me of my plan of getting a tattoo. ‘Paano kapag nangailangan ng dugo yung anak naten e di hindi na pwede yung sayo? Pagkulang yung akin e paano na.’ He would tell me that every time I open the topic about me getting a tattoo and he never fails to make me think twice no more of him being the person I will be spending forever with. I’ve never been this appreciated and secured like when I’m with him, in my entire life. I am the eldest child prior for me to have all the obligations, expectations and responsibilities, but when I’m with him, I feel so relieved and free from all the fears.

So what’s the problem now?

He’s changing. He wouldn’t even text me for weeks, and one time he forgot to greet me on our monthsary with his reason that he slept the whole day. Who do you think your fooling huh, slept for two consecutive days? Common, tsk !

He is the second boyfriend I had, and if our relationship didn’t work well, im  going to make sure that the third one will be the last.

Geez.

Hypocrites



Head-turner ako. Oo inuulit ko head turner ako, ngunit hindi dahil sa maganda ako o malaki man ang ano sa akin, head turner ako dahil pang-out of this world ang mga paniniwala ko sa buhay, kaya siguro ayun, naglalabasan lahat sa pagmumukha ko, sa mga taong nakakasalubong ko, para akong alien, kakaiba, weirdo, abnormal.

Tuwing nagpupunta ako sa mall, pagpasok ko pa lang anjan na yung mga clerk na kung makatitig e kala mo abay merong nakadikit na ari sa noo ko, yung iba magbubulungan pa sabay magtatawanan, ngumingiti na lang ako, at least sikat.

Noong isang araw din may nakasakay akong tatlong lalaki, yung isa natatawa na nagpipigil lang, tinitigan ko sya ng mabuti mula ulo hanggang paa, maka-sampung beses ko atang ginawa yun, natahimik sya, nakukuha naman pala sa tingin e. Yung dalawa nyang kasama nahalata atang iniintimidate ko yung kasama nilang isa kaya mga nagsidungawan na lang sa bintana, at ayon sa obserbasyon ko, mukha silang mga construction worker, construction worker nga ata talaga sila dahil sa mga bitbit nilang mga gamit, at yung isa dun schoolmate ko noong high school, nasa lower section nga lang sya, so ibig sabihin nun, hindi sila kagwapuhan, hindi katalinuhan, hindi pa kabaitan, kung semplang sila sa lahat ng yun, anong karapatan nilang magpakita ng hindi kagandahang asal sa iba?

Noong nakarating din ako sa mall e pagpasok ko dun sa isang stall ng mga cellphone e may nasalubong akong tatlong babaeng biglang nagsipagtawanan pagkalagpas ko sa kanila, wtf?! Siguro mga kasing edaran ko lang yung mga yun, pero masasabi kong mas responsible ako sa kanila, kilos pa lang nila, halatang mga immature na.

Kasalanan ko bang mas matalino kung nagagamit ang kalayaang meron ako kumpara sa iba? Wala akong pakialam sa pananamit ko, sa ayos ng buhok ko o maski sa pagkakayari ng mukha ko, hindi dahil sa gusto kong maging sikat at mas magings angat sa iba, ginagawa ko yun dahil sa ganoong paraan ako mas komportable.

Hindi ako naiinis o nagagalit sa mga taong stereotypical kung mag-isip, bagkus naaawa ako para sa kanila. Matutulog sila sa gabing natatawa dahil sa nakasalubong nilang babaeng may kakatuwang buhok at pananamit kanina, pero bukas paggising nila, ano? Nakakulong sila sa paniniwalang hindi sila magiging katulad noong babae dahil ayaw nilang mapagtawanan, ayaw nilang mga mapagbulungan ng mga kapareahas nilang mapanghusga. Mabubuhay silang bilanggo sa takot sa mga sasabihin ng iba, tatanda silang blanko, mamamatay silang playing safe.

At least ako masayang nabubuhay sa mga paniniwala ko, wala akong pinagsisisihan at lalong lalo nang wala akong gustong baguhin, meron akong mga totoong kaibigan at mga magulang na nuknukan ng supportive. Ang pinakamagandang idinulot sa akin ng lahat ng ito, meron akong espesyal na kakayahang makita ang tunay sa peke, nakikita at natatangis ko ang tunay sa pagpapanggap.

Kaya ikaw, sa susunod na titingnan mo ako ng masama, sige lang.

Medicol.


Ang bigat bigat ng ulo ko, siguro lumipat na sa bunbunan ko yung babae sa shutter (wehe korni). Ilang araw na din kasi akong walang maayos na tulog, pag-aaral, pamilya, pera, pera, pera, relihiyon, pera, boypren, pera tsaka mga hubad na litrato ni akihiro sato , ilan lang ang mga yun sa kumukutkut sa kokote ko nitong mga nakaraan. Ilang araw na lang papasok na ako, kinakabahan ako hindi dahil wala akong kakilala, kinakabahan ako kasi baka hindi perfect fit yung uniform na pinatahi ko, ayoko ng magmukhang kurtina magpakailanman.

Noong nag-enroll ako ang dami kong nakitang mga bagong mukha, karamihan pagkakaganda, pero wala akong pakialam, kahit pa kasi nuknukan pa sila ng pangit wala pa din akong pakialam, wala.

Anyway, tayo ay tumalon na lamang sa ibang paksa.

Nitong mga nakaraan, tinatamad na akong gumamit ng mga social networking sites (Facebook, Tumblr) kung hindi kasi pa-like ang bubungad sayo paglog-in mo sa Fb e paggawa ng fansign, penge ng ganito at ganire at kung ano-ano pang pabor sa kanila. Meron pa nga akong isang nakita doon na gumawa ng sarili nyang fanpage na kung tutuusin e, hm, mukha namang mabait pero kinulang nga lang sa magic sarap ang pagmumukha na award na award ang pangangarir sa pagpapalike ng fanpage nya. Hindi naman sa kontrabulate ako sa mga gumagawa ng sarili nilang mga fanpage, ang sakin lang, wag kang mamalimos sa akin ng like o sa kahit sino pa, dahil ang fanpage dong in the very first place, ay dapat gawin ng mga fans at hindi ng mismong may fan kuno, at isa pa, hindi iyan mandatory, buti sana kung may libreng isang kilo ng bigas ang bawat isang magla-like sa page mo e ayos ayos pa. Gumawa ka ng isang daang fanpage mo o kahit ilan pa ang gusto mo, pero, wag na wag kang lalapit sa akin, intiende? Osha peace be with you.

Kaek- ekan.



Minsan nakakatamad ng sundin ang mga ‘dapat’ ng buhay. Bakit naman kasi lahat ng kasiyahan sa mudo palageng kailangang may pre-requisite. Kailangang dumaan ka muna sa kung ano-anong rimburak para makatikim ng kending hindi rin magtatagal e lilipas at matutunaw din sa bibig mo.

Life.

Kung iisipin e napakasimpleng salita lang, aapat na titig nga lang, pero kung susubukan mong intindihin at pagkaisipan ng mabuti, malalaman mong dun umiikot ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Maski ikaw.

Yung inaakala mong mga bagay na natutunan mo na e wala pa pala sa kalahati ng mga dapat mo pang malaman. Pagnakaranas ka ng sobrang lungkot iisipin mong hindi lahat sa buhay e puro saya, puro tawanan, at kung nakaranas ka naman ng sobrang kasiyahan maiisip mong lahat ng bagay kahit ilan pang bagyo ang dumating e may sisilay pa ring liwanag, at sa minsanang mga pagkakataon e di mo maiiwasang makaranas ng pakiramdam na parang wala ka ng maramdaman, wala kang makitang rason pero nasasaktan ka, walang dahilan pero sa puso mo alam mong masaya ka, at kung minsan, wala kang maramdaman, blanko, yung tipon wala talaga. Sa mga pagkakataong yun, doon mo masasabing inosente ka pa talaga.

Hindi lahat ng nasa mundo e kayang bigyang rason ng buhay. Dumating pa nga ako sa puntong naiisip kong tayong mga tao e mistulang mga puppet lang na pinapagalaw ng kung sino man.

Naniniwala ako sa Diyos, walang duda yun. Mas okey ng may pinapaniwalaan kesa wala. Marami na akong nakitang mga pangyayari na lalong nagpatatag ng paniniwala ko sa kanya, at kung ano man ang mga yun, akin na lang siguro sila. Hehe

Sana makita ko rin balang araw yung bagay na kahit ako hindi ko alam kung ano, ang gulo? Tsk.

Inantok ako bigla. Iidlip muna ako.











MOVIEMARATHON


  • Ladda Land
  • Phobia
  • Phobia 2
  • The House
  • Despicable Me
  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid
  • Extreme Movie
  • Final Destination 1
  • Final Destination 2
  • Final Destination 3
  • Final Destination 4
  • Final Destination 5
  • Friday the 13th
  • Nightmare at Elm’s Street
  • Freddie vs. Jayson
  • Kick Ass
  • Night of the Demons
  • Saw 7 
  • Scary Movie 3
  • Scary Movie 5
  • The Last House on the Left
  • The Notebook
  • Nightmare Before Christmas
  • Vampire Sucks
  • The Three Idiots
  • Dead Silence
  • Charlie and The Chocolate Factory


So, iyan ang listahan ng mga pelikulang napanuod ko sa buwan na ito. Hehe. Wala lang, gusto ko lang i-share. Kung tatanungin mo ako kung anong pinakamaganda sa mga yan para sa akin, yung The Notebook tsaka The Three Idiots. Gusto ko sana ikwento kung bakit kaso baka ma-overwhelm nanaman ako’t umarangkada nanaman ang pagiging madaldal ko, kaya wag na lang. Kung sa horror naman e, yung Phobia 1&2 tsaka yung Dead Silence, at saka yung Nightmare at Elm’s Street.

Okey din yung Nightmare before Christmas tsaka Charlie and the chocolate Factory dahil sa pagiging musical nila, mga gawa ba naman kasi ni Tim Burton, pati yung isa pa nyang pelikula, yung The Corpse Bride maganda din, parang makabagong Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Gusto ko rin yung Despicable Me tsaka Kick Ass. Sa comedy naman, Scary Movie 3 tsaka Vampire Sucks. Haha naaalala ko pa lang yung Vampire Sucks natatawa na ako. Tsk tsk.

Kung movie franchise e yung Final Destination winner na winner talaga. Gusto ko simula 1 hanggang 5. Favorite ko e yung 3, 2, tsaka 5.

Yung ibang hindi ko namention e okey din naman, mas gusto ko nga lang yung mga nabanggit ko. Hehe. So ayun. J

Segway lang.

OH-MY-GAWWWD.

Nagrent lang ako ngayon dahil wala akong panload sa broadband ko. Hindi iyon ang ino-owmygawd ko, kundi ang babaeng may kachat sa likod ko. oh my delilah talaga, gusto ng magcollapse ng utak ko kakaenglish nya sa kachat nyang kano. gusto ko ng magkacardiac arrest. Hay nako naman.

So ayun, sher lang :S

Random


  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?  probably 25.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? both. having nothing by the end of the day does hurt in either way.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? because that's how life is designed to be. we aren't born with a suitcase full of papers testifying reasons of how and whys. because if we do, just imagine how boring life will be.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? maybe. depends.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? its perception about many many things, religion, social status. etc.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?loving.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?sometimes both. Life is a balance of lie and truth. 
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? by living my life like it would be the last, hehe cliche. 
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? uh, pass.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? doing the right things. people will always say something to you, and that's what i worry most.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? do the right thing, defend my friend and tell them how good she really is. and also not to judge people. this might put me and my relationship to them at risk but at least i stand for what is right.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? trust god.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes. because what matter by the end of the day is still, God's Law.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? hm.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Stare at people whom i find pitiful and pray for them just inside my head.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? because we are all different, genuinely different.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? show the people i love that i really care for them. uh, i dont know what's holding me back. maybe the fear that they would reciprocate the feeling? uh dont know.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes, i do.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? im happy here.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? uh no. im the kind of person who would not waste my energy to things i know not really worth wasting to. and also, im the most patient person you could ever know. 
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? both.
  22. Why are you, you? because im not anyone else.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? yep.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? the latter.
  25. What are you most grateful for? my family, my life, my friends and the lessons god let me know everyday.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? neither.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? in some circumstances, maybe.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? no. hope wont. 
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? not anymore
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? um, my very 1st birthday i guess.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? during my high school  days.
  32. If not now, then when? uhuh.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? --
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? oh yeah. hihi <3
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? maybe because of the many differences and the million reasons behind it.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? yes. God equipped us with the ability to comprehend, and besides, we have the so called 'conscience'.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? no. 
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? depends on my mood. 
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? hell yeah.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? i do thaeveryday. believe it or not.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? none. 
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? no, never.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? being alive is being able to breath, to eat, to walk, to run and to do stuffs, but being truly alive is living for something you know worth dying for.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? everyday. life's too short to play safe.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? its not having such mistakes that holding us back, but to stereotypes who always say something even without knowing the real story behind.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? dread and color my hair, get a tattoo, enroll for a theater arts course.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? geez.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? pass.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? depends.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? this is my life. they have theirs and i have mine, do you suppose i will let others live my life for me? no.