Huehue

Can this afternoon be more cliché? The rain is pouring, my heart is breaking, I’m all alone in the house, and I can’t decipher my own thoughts. I’ve been emotionally constipated for I no longer remember, and I don’t know if there’s something wrong with that, neither do I know if it’s in any chances right. I don’t feel anything at all and I have no idea how to feel and what to feel on certain circumstances anymore. It’s like my emotional switch has been turned off. I feel like I’m stuck and I feel the need for a long walk to somewhere or a bus ride to only-god-knows-where. I used to be so jolly and talkative, and in an I-don’t-know-how trick, I became the complete opposite of the person I was once. I don’t feel like going out with my friends, don’t like talking to others about how I feel (because none of them do really listen and they would just rather tell me to shrug it off and tell me to start to visit places outside my cave), don’t feel like catching up with what’s going on with their lives (because I don’t want them to catch up with mine). I just want to travel alone. Try to figure out things in life, try to you know, see better with all these clouds above my head. I want to be in a different place, with a different culture, to be surrounded by different people who have no single idea who I am, and just be a different person. I want to be in a place where I can run naked on the street and no one will give a damn, a place where I can lie down beneath the stars and no one will think that I’m just wasting my time, a place where there’s winter and fall and spring, a place where I can ink my skin of Bieber’s face, a Japanese translation of Harlem Shake, and no one will tell me I’m gross, judge me that I’m a drug addict, a whore or a herpes carrier and no one will have an estimation of my IQ Level based on my physique. Not that I really care of whatever people say, just for once, I just wanted to be myself, without any norms checking out on me every fucking time. I know life is no chick flick, it goes from horror to comedy to musical and you just can’t pick for yourself and I know going to different places will not suddenly bring me to realization of whatever I’m trying to unravel, but I know it’s a good start, and I want it more than anything to start now. 

People

People are people

They curse

They lie

They demean.

People are people

They love

They sympathize

They care.

People are people

They bewilder

They seek

They ask.

People are people

They’re impermanent

They’re vulnerable

They’re fragile.

People are people

They’re imperfect

They learn

They grow.

People are people

This world’s this world

And they’re both pesky.

I was once a writer

The back view of the shirt my school paper adviser gave me, 5 years ago. She bought it during the Calabarzon School Press Conference on 2008. I failed to make it to the Regionals that is why she just bought me a shirt as a token of gratitude instead. I garnered 5^th place during the Division School Press Conference in Feature Writing, and technically I am really legible to proceed to the Regionals since the rule says that the top 7 of each category are the ones that will be chosen, but the rule also says that only one student per school, of each category can pursue to the Regionals, and unfortunately, my fellow Stentor (our English publication) writer bagged the 4^th place, making me off of the list. It sucked, it really does. To have you realize that you’ve outshined the other 70 + writer from different school, and that the only competitor you need to obstruct came from one of your colleague, a total disappointment. I lost the chance, leaving me thinking every night of what might have been.

But its 5 years now, and I’m over it. Haha, my only point is that I just want to share the picture. So there you have it. Pardon for the drama :)

A Human Pickle

So I am pickled inside the house, not going anywhere for a month, aside from my bed, the kitchen and the bathroom. This might not be as exciting (no excitement at all) as how school vacation supposed to be, but I am happy though. I am a lazy cat. I can spend my entire day just sleeping, so this is really fulfilling for me despite how exciting it is to be outdoor during the summer. I am a home dude, and I am having my summer the best it can be. This is not just about making an excuse for having no allowance for me to avail the getaway I want, hahaha, even if I do have the money, I’ll still prefer to stay at home and maybe just spend every peso I have with burgers, and fries, and ice creams, and perhaps sleep again. Vacation Grande my style. :)

Kaek- ekan.

Minsan nakakatamad ng sundin ang mga ‘dapat’ ng buhay. Bakit naman kasi lahat ng kasiyahan sa mudo palageng kailangang may pre-requisite. Kailangang dumaan ka muna sa kung ano-anong rimburak para makatikim ng kending hindi rin magtatagal e lilipas at matutunaw din sa bibig mo.

Life.

Kung iisipin e napakasimpleng salita lang, aapat na titig nga lang, pero kung susubukan mong intindihin at pagkaisipan ng mabuti, malalaman mong dun umiikot ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Maski ikaw.

Yung inaakala mong mga bagay na natutunan mo na e wala pa pala sa kalahati ng mga dapat mo pang malaman. Pagnakaranas ka ng sobrang lungkot iisipin mong hindi lahat sa buhay e puro saya, puro tawanan, at kung nakaranas ka naman ng sobrang kasiyahan maiisip mong lahat ng bagay kahit ilan pang bagyo ang dumating e may sisilay pa ring liwanag, at sa minsanang mga pagkakataon e di mo maiiwasang makaranas ng pakiramdam na parang wala ka ng maramdaman, wala kang makitang rason pero nasasaktan ka, walang dahilan pero sa puso mo alam mong masaya ka, at kung minsan, wala kang maramdaman, blanko, yung tipon wala talaga. Sa mga pagkakataong yun, doon mo masasabing inosente ka pa talaga.

Hindi lahat ng nasa mundo e kayang bigyang rason ng buhay. Dumating pa nga ako sa puntong naiisip kong tayong mga tao e mistulang mga puppet lang na pinapagalaw ng kung sino man.

Naniniwala ako sa Diyos, walang duda yun. Mas okey ng may pinapaniwalaan kesa wala. Marami na akong nakitang mga pangyayari na lalong nagpatatag ng paniniwala ko sa kanya, at kung ano man ang mga yun, akin na lang siguro sila. Hehe

Sana makita ko rin balang araw yung bagay na kahit ako hindi ko alam kung ano, ang gulo? Tsk.

Inantok ako bigla. Iidlip muna ako.