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Sunday, August 29, 2010

OO.

mixed emotions.



gusto ko ng grumadweyt. nalulungkot ako dahil namatay na si papu. bukas midterms na. nagugutom ako. nakakabagot na magfacebook. hay. gusto ko maglakad ng malayong malayo..





**

nung isang araw sumakay ako ng jeep. bihira lang ako umupo sa frontseat pero dis taym umupo ako. yung driver matanda na. as in matandang matanda na talaga. katabi ko sa frontseat e yung batang konduktor. habang umaandar yung jip. umaandar din yung kwento ni manong. sabi nya pagnagkajip daw sya kukuhain nya daw konduktor yung bata. sabi pa nya sayang daw at dapat nag-aaral yung bata. kasi daw sya nung pinag-aral di nagtino palaging nagcucutting tsaka gumigimik kasama mga barkada nya. habang tumatagal yung kwentuhan nila ung bata, lalo kung nakikinitang mabuting tao si manong. kung magkakaroon lang ako ng limpak limpak na pera bibilhan ko si manong ng isang daang jip. kaso parehas lang kaming mahirap. at nung mga oras na yun, napag-isipisip ko, may mga katulad pa pala ni manong, maganda pa rin naman pala ang mundo kahit papaano.


**


kakauwi ko lang galing studio ng mapanuud ko yung nangyayaring hostage taking. noong una akala ko nananaginip lang ako dahil sa gutom at dahil na din sa wala na akong ipangaallowance bukas. sila mama akala mo nanunuud ng pelikula ni sharon cuneta, tutuk na tutuk. mga di na nga ata kumain dahil pagbukas ko sa kaldero walang bawas yung kanin. di na nga rin ako nakakain ng maayos e. parang hinahalina na rin ako ng tv para manuud at ng bolpen at papel para magsulat ng sarili kong komentaryo. wala akong masimulan. gulo gulo yung isip ko. di ko naman kasi alam yung bawat anggulo ng istorya pero sa kaibuturan ng puso ko, naawa ako sa hostage taker. lukso ng dugo ? wag naman sana. naawa ako dahil siguro katulad ng ibang lalaki tatay din sya, may pamilyang umaasa sa kanya, may mga anak na nag-aantay sa kanya. nakakatakot mapunta sa ganoong sitwasyon ? yung tipong sumuko ka man o hindi tiyak, mamamatay ka pa rin. pero syempre panig pa rin ako sa mga hinostage mga walang malay yun e. mga foreigners. pero ?? ewan. basta akin na lang yung opinyo kung iba pa. hehe.



**


DI PORKET SABI NILA E MATALINO KA E RESPONSIBILIDAD MO ANG PAGSAGIP SA MGA GRADES NILANG NAGHIHIKAHOS. TAO KA LANG DIN. PAREHAS LANG KAYONG MAY UTAK. IBA NGA LANG MAG-ISIP.



TO BE CONTINUED.

PAPU :((

Nalulungkot ako. Papu died. Hm. She's not just a pet, she's a member of the family. Kaninang umaga habang natutulog ako naririnig ko usapan nila mama na patay na daw si papu. nawala antok ko e ? nagising kaagad ako. name me shallow and lame pero umiyak talaga ako. i was totally afraid of dogs. pero papu is different, i wasnt afraid of her. pinakamamimiss ko sa kanya e yung paglick nya sa paa ko whenever i arrive home galing school. pati yung time na pilit nain sya sinusutan ng pampers, hahay. huhu. mamimiss ka namin papu. :((






Photobucket




PAPU. 08/30/10

Friday, August 27, 2010

SAMTING SAMTING ..

Kanina nagkaroon kami ng activity sa english in which pinaglabas ang lahat ng 1 whole sheet of paper at tsaka pinasulatan ng pangalan, pagkatapos nun pinablog lahat, magkakaroon daw ng activity regarding self-concept and self-awareness. SHIT. isang malaking shit. ayoko ng mga ganitong kaechusan sa buhay. pinaikot na yung papel. kung sinu-sinu ng tao ang dinerfor kongklud ko ayun sa kung anung nakikita ko sa kanila at ayun sa mga bagay na alam kung inaasahan nilang masasabi tungkol sa kanila. umikot ng umikot. kung kani-kaninong papel ang napadpad sa desk ko. hanggang dumating sa akin ang papel ni MR. CLEAN ( wag ng banggitin pa ang pangalan baka matuntun nun ang blog ko mahirap na ). MR. CLEAN ang kinowdneym ko sa kanya dahil palage syang nagmamalinis. hindi naman sa kalbo sya at amuy bareta, kundi sadyang hobby lang nya talagang magplaysafe. mayabang, mayabang, mayabang ulit, mayabang sa pulang tinta, mayabang sa itim na tinta, malaking pagkakasulat ng mayabang, at mayabang kung saan saan. dahil hindi naman ako ganun kasama para dagdagan pa ng isa pang mayabang ang papel nyang naninimuud na sa kayabangan, MR. BEEN THERE DONE THAT -- yun ang sinulat ko.



Natapos ang pag-ikot ng papel. WATDAPAK ?


HORNY. MAHILIG SA PORN.


Nagkakatitigan kami ng papel ko. horny daw at mahilig sa porn ? tiningnan ko ang pangalan akin nga. bukod sa iba pang nakakalaking ulong nakasulat sa papel ko, talagang napatutuk ako sa nakasulat sa pinaka-itaas na ayun na nga paulit ulit e. nangingilid na ang mga luha sa mata k pero charot lang yun. di naman ako nagalit ? di rin natuwa ? nakyuryus lang ? di naman siguro yung tinderong palage kung binibilhan ng mga chukchakang cd ang nagsulat nun ? kung hindi ituturo ko kaagad sya sa mga pulis ora mismo !



Nagtawag si mam ng mga estudyante para sabihin sa klase yung isang bagay na nakasulat sa papel na nagpagulat sa kanila. at presto ? natawag ako


Ms. Fuentes share to the class your paper and give your insight regarding it.



Its my time to shine ! Isang banat ng being horny and being open-minded is different in such ways. at sinundan ko na ng makabagbag damdaming kaechusan para ipagtanggol at ipanindigang hindi talaga ako malibog ! konti lang.


Nagulat ang mga kaklasmeyt ko. yung iba nga ata naluha pa sa speech ko. maayus naman ang naging ending. parang hindi pa rin sila kumbinsidong hindi talaga ako maibog. (again) konti lang.



Tumawag naman si mam ng ibang estudyante. natawag nya si MR. CLEAN. halos maiyak na sya sa panggagalaiti. walang katapusang hindi naman ako ganyan bakit ganun kayo hindi nyo lang ako kilala at kung anu anu pa. ang drama. ang sakit sa mata. cut !


TO BE CONTINUED.

NYENYE

URGENT !!!



**



KAILANGAN KO NG MAGHANDA PARA SA ESSAY WRITING CONTEST TSAKA IMPROMPTU ! WATDA ANU BA NAMAN KASING PUMASOK SA ISIP KO AT BIGLA AKONG NAGPALISTA PARA SUMALI DUN. AKALA KO NAMAN KASI LIBRENG BIGAS AT TSAKA DAGDAG UMENTO SA SAHOD. SANA SUMAPI SA AKIN BIGLA SI DR. KAGALANG GALANG PAMBANSANG BAYANI AYDOL NA NUKNUKAN NG PUGENG JOSE RIZAL ( EWAN KO NA LANG KUNG DI PA SYA SUMAPI NETO) ?? SS. UMPISAHAN SA RESEARCH NG MGA MAHALIMUYAK NA PANGBUKAS PINTUAN. QUOTES ? ANECDOTES ? MADAMDAMING PAGSHESHER-A-STORY ? NAKAKAGULAT NA TANUNG ? KANTA KAYA ? HM ..

































PUCHARAGIS ! BAHALA NA SI LASTIKMAN !





-- NGANGA .

Monday, August 23, 2010

INSEPRABLE

Why not try to ask if its already aching ? Why not try to take no peek to the pretenses of my lips but to the pain dancing inside ? Why not take a good look in my eyes -- scrutinize, conclude and redeem my gloomy soul. I know you know how much i missed your lips, your stare, not those peculiar one's but those one's who gives me affection with each every blink. You love me - I know that. You care for me - I know that. You missed me - I know that. But isn't it things will be a lot beautiful if they are to be felt rather than to be merely know ? There's no such permanent thing in this world, but to destiny's mercy, can he just, PLEASE, make you mine ? I love you to the extremity.. You surely know how much i really do.


**



I have went through from a heart wrecking break-up and as far as my memory can recall , you where the one who patiently listened to my dilemmas, to my endless why's, to my that day, crying heart. I know you see my drama almost to a fault but i heard no word from you and instead, you gladly listen. You indeed became a good friend from the very beginning of our that moment, yet to told story.



**



Eyes so brown.
Lips so intimate.
Body so pure.
Soul so transparent.
Voice so calm.


You just don't know how thankful I am when you first touched my hand and never let go it till then, when you first whispered our first hello, when you first gave me the beauty of the universe by the time you embraced me, when you first rushed my adrenaline when you kissed my lips in front of the crowd and told me you love me. You just dont know.. you just don't really know.



**



" How many children you want for us to have in the future ? "

" Um. 2 is enough for me I guess. "

" Aha. I want our baby boy to be named Enzo. "

" And our girl Ikarus. "

" Why Ikarus ? "

" I just want that name. So that she will be then nicknamed Ikay . hehe. "

" Of course my Enzo will have his nickname too ? Enoy. "

" Haha what an hilarious pseudo ? Im sure he'll going to curse you for giving that nickname ! haha "

" Haha he wont have options anyway..


.. never leave me boo. I dont know what my life will be if you'll going to leave me. "


" I'll never leave you. Never. "

:))

**



He is my only concept of happiness next to God and Family. I just cant imagine life without him telling how things must be in their proper places, of how i mustn't cry whenever somethings came to fall out of my expectations, of how i must not forget to take good care of myself whenever he's not around, of how much he loves me, of how much he wont be unfaithful to me, of him constantly reminding me, Me, Ikay and her Mom will be the only women in his life. He's all the man I had ever wished for, more then those I watched in fairy tales and films.


**



Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes


**



Why ask how much I cant live without you ? Why ask how much tears I cry every night ? Why not ask so that you will know how im dying inside .. and yet living life happily still whenever you lift all my senses from the brink of desperation.



I love you. And I think you no need to ask me then. For in my eyes you can see the happiness.. you dont stop giving me.



:)


Friday, August 20, 2010

NOSTALGiA

His absence lingers in my every vein, excruciatingly kills each second of momentum. I never had imagined that i will be this head over heels with love, with him. My plan of just letting things to go hand in hand with fate, unaware, had surfaced into a chapter of my tale rather than a pure schema. I'm dying with guilt, guilt is killing me, I owe a lot from guilt, and guilt itself now turn into an enigma I'll never wish for him to witness.


He's all i wanted in my life, more than any other things i thought i like the most. Every inch of him, every bit of his existence, every detail of his physic is an addiction to me, stronger than the heroine of those who are sick by health and sick by soul. I'm craving for a single taste, for a single tranquility. I love him to death, to reincarnation, perpetually I'll suffer, no remorse I will make.


Between his smile and tears I want to fall asleep, between his heart and manhood I want to suffer and die. I opt no ears to hear me, no hands to reach for mine, no help to rescue me -- im happily trapped and used, resoundingly loved and valued. As I wake up to fall asleep, as I breath to be killed then, no shattered dignity nor exploited flesh will be inculcated with my doom. I'm happy. Overwhelmingly satisfied.


I'm a child lost in a dream, and his body is my wonderland. He let me then play, let me then seek happiness. As you goes by with this not so vivid article, I protest if you conclude that I'm martyr and insane. I'm no martyr for I'm a slave ( its the way it should be ) , I'm no insane for I'm mentally vindicated. if you would not believe still then so be it. I'm in cloud 9 brought by his affection and you cant blame me for that.


This narcolepsy is getting deeper and deeper, worse and worse, magical than ever. I cant associate no word but BEAUTIFUL. Lost by his stare, lost by his weight over me, im running for my breath, as I close my eyes and dream, I achieve of sanctuary, of bloody soul and innocence. I grab for a blanket to cover my impurities, and as I open my eyes, face the reality and tilt my head up, he wiped away my tears, kiss my fears off of me, took away my blanket and cover me with his heat and his wholeness now exclusively mine.


" I love you . "


He whispered in my ears, as we sleep through the night, with the moon and the stars as our only witnesses ..





.. of our sweetest sin, we, forever will commit.




♥ :))




10.25.09






THE iNSEKYURANG PAKANGKANG NA NEiGHBORHOOD OF MiNE ..

ANO KUNG NAG-iiSA LANG SA PLANET EARTH ANG iSYTAL NG PAGKAKATABAS NG BUHOK KO ? ANO KUNG iBANG PAMAMARAAN ANG GiNAGAMiT KO SA PANANAMiT ? ANO KUNG LUMALABAS AKO NG BAHAY NG WALANG SUKLAY SUKLAY AT MUKANG NAKiPAGSABONG SA SAMPUNG AGiLA ? MAAPEKTUHAN KA BA NUN ? iKAW BA ANG PAGTATAWANAN ? iKAW BA ANG MAGMUMUKHANG BAHUiN ? iKAW BA ANG PAGBUBULUNGAN DAHiL KAKAiBA KA ? KAPAG TiNOTOPAK NGA NAMAN ANG MGA BABAENG PAKANGKANG SA KANTO. KAPAG NAKAKiTA NG MAS KAKAiBA KESA SA PAGiGiNG HiNDi NiLA KAHALi-HALiNA SA MATA. iPANGANGALANDAKAN PA LALO ANG KAKULANGAN NiLA SA UTAK AT SA PAG-iNTiNDi NG MGA NAKAPALiGiD SA KANiLANG Di MAiKAKAiLANG MAS MAY SiLBi SA LiPUNAN. AT MAS MAY AMOY NA PANGTAO AT HiNDi PANGHAYAK. KUNG HiNDi NA MABENTA YANG PiNAGKAKAKiTAAN MONG TiLAPYANG BiLASA.

WAG KA NG SUMiGAW PA ?

LAPiT KA LANG SA AKiN.

Di KiTA GUGULPUHiN.

PAPALUNUKiN PA KiTA NG iSANG LiBO.
iSA SA NGUSO MO.
iSA SA PUKE MONG MAS DUROG PA SA GiNiLiNG NA BABOY.


HiNDi AKO YUNG KLASE NG TAONG MAHiLiG SA AWAY O SA ANUMANG Di KAAYA-AYA PARA PAGAKSAYAHAN NG LAWAY. Di AKO NANGHiHiYA AT HiNDi RiN NANAPAK NG WALANG PiNAGKAKANGiTNGiTNGiTANG DAHiLAN. ANG SA AKiN LANG NAMAN WAG MO AKONG GALAWiN KUNG HiNDi NAMAN KiTA iNA-ANO AT LALONG LALO NA WAG MONG TATAPAKAN ANG EGO KO KUNG Ni TENGA MO Di KO NAMAN HiNAHAWAKAN. EDUKADO AKONG TAO. Di KO SASAYANGiN ANG MAHiGiT SAMPUNG TAONG iPiNASOK KO SA PAARALAN PARA LANG MAKiPAGLARO NG TANGA TANGAHAN AT PABABABAAN NG MORALiDAD GAME SA MGA KATULAD MONG ALAM KO NAMANG Di KAUTAKAN AT HiNDi KASAYAHAN ANG PAGKAKALUWA SA MUNDONG iBABAW. KUNG MAY ORAS LANG AKO GUSTO SANA KiTANG TURUAN NG MGA BASiCS NG PAGGALANG SA KAPWA AT PAGRESPETO SA KUNG ANO SiLA AT HiNDi SiLA LABAS SA PAGKAKAALAM MONG YUN LANG. KASO KAHiT MAY BUUNG iSANG ARAW PA AKONG WALANG GAGAWiN WAG NA LANG PALA ? WALA KA RiN NAMANG MAGiGiNG PAGBABAGO PAGKATAPUS -- SiGURADO YUN.



HiNDi AKO NAiiNiS SAYU O NAGAGLiT. ANG TOTOO NAAWA NGA AKO SAYU E ? SA GANYANAG PARAAN KA BA PiNALAKi NG MGA MAGULAN MO ? AT SA GANYANG PARAAN MO RiN BA PAPALAKiHiN ANG MAGiGiNG ANAK MO SA HiNAHARAP ? NAAWA AKO SAYU. NAAWA AKO SA KANiLA.



HANGGAT MAARi SANA MAGBAGO KA PA. DAHiL BUKOD SA NiLULUNOD MO LANG ANG SARiLi MO SA KAMANGMANGAN AT PAGTATAKiP KAPiNTASAN, UNTi UNTi MO RiNG PiNiPiNTAHAN NG KULAY PUTiK ANG LARAWAN NG SARiLi MO SA MGA TAONG NAKAPALiGiD SAYO.


SANA MAGBAGO KA PA. SANA.






- ADiOS.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

YOU WiLL NEVER KNEW ♥



You will never knew
How much your smile weakens me
As your breath softly speaks
I cant resist no glimpse

You will never knew
How much a stare deafens me
Every sorrow every pain in turn is glee

I can see it in your eyes
That you are my angel in disguise

If you could only knew im falling for you
That even though its fantasy
I know you're never meant for me

If only i could say the words I've always prayed
For you to hear , though its so clear
That she will never be me
You will never knew.

This might be insane and will just cause me pain
I know it worth the price I pay
Though I know you wouldn't stay
Please don't go away ill be waiting for the day
That you and me will finally give into our hearts baby

My song might be so wrong
But my heart took me this long

If you could only knew i'm falling for you
That even though its fantasy
I know you're never meant for me

If only i could say the words I've always prayed
For you to hear , though its so clear
That she will never be me
You will never knew.


You will never knew..
You will never knew..


You will never knew
How much your smile weakens me..



♥ !

ESKEMBERLOO


KAKATAPUS KO LANG BASAHiN YUNG LiBRO Ni MR. ATALiA NA LiGO NA YOU LAPiT NA ME. PERO BiNABASA KO NANAMAN SYA NGAYON. :DD ANG SAYA SAYA KASi BASAHiN PERO NAKAKABiTiN. HiNDi KASi TAPUS YUNG KWENTO TUNGKOL KAY JEN. PATi TULUY AKO NAMUMRUBLEMA KUNG NASAAN Si JEN AT KUNG SiNO ANG NAKABUNTiS SA KANYA. HAHA SANA MASUNDAN NA YUNG LiBRO TSAKA SANA MAKAHANAP NA RiN AKO NG MAHiHiRAMAN NG TAGUAN PUNG. TSK. :DD




* BASAHiN NYO DiN ANG SAYA. AHAHA :DD

Jennifer Fuentes Singing All Fall Down- Zombie [HQ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5670tT6U6_o

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

10.25 **

* you are my sweetest downfall ..


--



you're the second best thing happened to my life. the invincible pain i will never wish to eradicate. the childhood memory i always reminisce for me to get to sleep. the star i wish not to fall for your light is the only thing that makes me lift my head still and pray. the rain i enjoy playing to. the candy i prefer not to eat and have with me sleep in bed instead. the blanket whenever im afraid. the song i always sing in my heart -- out loud. the face i know i''ll always share my ups and downs with. the name i'll always call my sweetheart.. my sweetest downfall. things might change and time might fall for its own will. but your memory. your stare. your voice will remain perpetual in my heart and soul. no amnesia nor Alzheimer's Disease can make me forget you. no arthritis nor backpain can make me not reach your hand. not any painful fight nor inevitable aging can make my love for you conditional. for even when were already incapable of lifting our feet to walk our lips to speak clearly even when your skin is already as crumpled as the paper your hair as white as the clouds your eyes as blur as the moist of the morning dew. your still my only love. my one and only love.



.. i love you first.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


iSANG TAHiMiK NA TANGHALi. HiNALUGAD NAMiN ANG LUNGSOD NG ANTiPOLO PARA MAKAHANAP NG BAHAY TUGTGUGAN PARA SAYAWAN ? SYEMPRE TUGTUGAN . BAHAY TUGTUGAN NGA E. UBOS ANG BAON KONG PERA. WALA PA AKONG KAEN KAEN. NAUBOS PA LAWAY KO KAKAULI-ULIT NG CHORUS NG MY HEART. NAPUNO NG KALAWANG ANG KAMAY KO. PATI BIBIG KO ATA DAHIL SA MIC. PAGKATAPOS NG ILANG AWITIN. PAGKATAPOS NG ISANG ORAS SAGAD NA ANG 150 NAMIN. BITIN PERO ANG SAYA. SANA MAULIT ULIT. AT SANA SA SUSUNOD MAY PANGKAEN NA AKO.

BOW *