- This commercial made me weep. Ive never cried like that on any movies but this burst me into tears. I love my father, and of course my family. There is nothing really permanent in this world, people come and go, thats why when you have the people you love around you, let them know. :)
Friday, September 9, 2011
Its sweet I guess.
That feeling of having chills whenever that someone is around and you can do nothing but to stay still and pretend that you have the numbest senses to ignore his every cuteness. It’s very elementary isn’t it? Puppy love, secret love, first love, infatuation, I’ve experienced almost all of them, and at my age now I can now really tell that there is more to love than those.
When I was a child, love, I don’t really know what it’s all about. If im on that age and you’re going to ask me of what love is ? I might answer you, ‘ love .. hm. Its how my parents feel for each other? And perhaps the reason why I’m existing.’ As a child, I grew up believing that love is love in itself, and such it will come on when it is meant to come.
Years passed, people came and went, I smiled, I laughed, burst into tears, rejected, redeemed, triumphed, and so on and so forth. And to those years that passed, I loved so many times, rejected so many times. And so I learned that love isn’t just sweet as how fairytales told me so.
The process of growing up took me to many different places and shoes ive never imagined to be in. Its like eating your most favorite food while riding in a roller coaster you don’t know when will stop, when can you eat your favorite food, and what are the chances that you won’t miss a grip of it. Life’s tricky, and so is love.
Love can be hurtful, can be so excruciating. But that’s how it goes. You’ll love, you’ll get hurt, you’ll learn, you’ll love again. But again, there is more to love than those.
As a day is being ripped off of my life, I hunger for what is more than enough, of how love became the center of almost everything, of how it can make someone a beast and a saint, of why everyone seems to crave for its sanctity, and of billions of how’s and why clinging on my very thought.
I pause for a minute, and mesmerize my environment. It’s also the minute that I realized I am the only one home. I peeked outside and decided to walk. I’ve seen so many faces, how am I supposed to write something regarding love if those faces don’t convey what im looking for. Is love supposed to hurt? Is love supposed to bring you happiness? Ughh , I don’t know what to write anymore.
On my way home, as I cross the street I saw a jeepney driver talking to a (pulubing bata-pakitranslate na lang), preaching about life, taking about how he have spent his teenage years playing games he thought worth wasting time, not minding how life will just be a glimpse at his expense. He told the child that he should pursue education because when he had chance to do so, he missed it and so he became a failure and would be probably die achieving nothing at all. It melt my heart to hear those words, but on the other side, I felt blessed to see that there are still people that are not coward to set themselves as examples so that others won’t do the same mistakes they did. And why would he be concern to someone he’s not really related to? It’s love I guess.
That scene opened my eyes to many different shades of love, of it being a broad world to explore, of it being a word with many meanings that can be associated with.
It can be a child sharing his cookie to his playmate. It can be a mother cooking lunch for her daughter. It can be someone helping his friend in his downs. It can be a stranger helping an old woman cross the street. It can be a simple take care and don’t forget to eat your lunch. It can be in the form of letting go, of acceptance and of wishing all the happiness for someone. It can be in fighting for what you know, will bring you happiness. It can be in a secret glimpse, mere hi’s and hello’s, simple nods and smiles.
Now what is love for me?
My parents, my mother and father who work as hard as they could to provide me the future they always want for me.
My friends who put smile on my face whenever I’m weary and all depressed.
The people who have been a part of my life in the past and in the present for giving me memories I always look up to when life is giving me many reasons to quit.
Those precious moments, when I felt valued than ever. Those words that calmed me when fear is out powering me, that when I reminisce, keeps me believing that life has many beautiful things to offer if I will put worries aside and expand my horizon with god as my guiding light in every journey I went through.
Those smiles, those taps in my back, those warm embrace, those ears that listens, those hands that firmly holds mine, those prayers, those who understands, those who continue believing, those second chances, those shoulders I can rely to, all of them, they are love to me. But again, there is more to love than those.
I still can’t say that I’m no longer naïve for I’m not yet half through with my journey. I have lots of things to explore, many people to encounter, many places to see and many circumstances to learn from. Ive experienced to cry, to love and to be loved, met numbers of different people, stocked in countless dilemmas, and learned from them and from those, but with all those experiences I’ve encountered, still, am for sure, that there is more to love, than those. :)
Nakakatakot tumanda. Lalo na ang tumandang walang kasama. Nakakapanghinang isiping sa hinaba-haba ng panahong inilagi mo sa mundo, wala man lang niisang nagustuhang samahan ka. Di ba nakakatakot? Di ba nakakabahala? Paano nga ba kasi humanap ng taong makakasama habangbuhay? Yung hindi magsasawa, yung kayang sakyan lahat ng paiba-iba mong timpla, yung hindi ka iiwan, yung hindi ka sasaktan at lalong-lalo na yung hindi mapapagod magmahal sayo. Kung nabubuhay ka sa mundong hindi marunong makuntento, posible pa kayang may makasama ka pang sumariwa ng mga nakalipas.
High-tech na daw ngayon. Kaya pati tao nagiging high-tech na. Pabago-bago, papalit-palit, ang bilis mag-sawa. Pati pakikipagrelasyon parang pagfe-facebook na lang. Pwede mong i-logout kung ayaw mo na, i-log in kung naboboring ka, pwede ka ring gumawa ng mas marami pang account kung hindi ka masiyahan sa iisa lang. Nakakatakot nang sumugal sa mga walang kasiguraduhang I love you at hindi kita iiwan. Kaya ang siste, para parehas na hindi masaktan, wag magseryoso.
Pero ang nakakatakot, pabata ng pabata ang edad ng mga nahuhumaling sa pakikipagrelasyon, maaga silang namumulat sa mga bagay na hindi pa naman dapat. Andyan na yung aakalain nilang nakita na nila si true love, magpapakabaliw sa pag-ibig, halos hindi na makakatanggi sa mga palambing kuno ni bf/gf, ibibigay ang lahat na parang sigurado na at kasalan na ang tuloy, lolokohin, sasaktan, iiwan at ang masaklap pa (dahil uso daw eto) buntis pala si nena. Paulit ulit lang ang kwento, copy paste copy paste, pero bakit ang karamihan tila hindi ata nadadala.
Sa mga kabataang nasa edad ko, bagkus hindi pa talaga ganap ang pagkamulat ko sa samu’t saring keber ng buhay, masasabi kong medyo naiintindihan ko na ang karamihan sa dapat kong maintindihan. Katulad na lang na ang pag-ibig, ang tunay na pagibig, nakakapaghintay. Classics diba ? Pero habang nadadagdagan ang edad mo, at ang mga karanasan, tao at sitwasyong natikman, nakasalamuha at natamabayan mo na, mapapa-tama at naman ka sa kasabihang ito. Dahil ang tunay na pagibig hindi naman talaga ipinipilt sa mailng sitwayson, maling panahon, at maling tao. Para lang kasi yang pagbuo ng jigsaw puzzle, may tamang sukat at posisyon para sa bawat piraso, na kahit malapit at magkadikit ang iba sa kanila, ang dapat ay dun sa dapat pa rin, hindi pwedeng iplit, hindi pwedeng ipagsiksikan. Kung gusto mong makita ang imahe sa likod ng bawat piraso, kailangan mong maging matsaga, magdesisyon ng tama. Kung nabigo ka man ng isang beses o kahit ng madaming beses pa, subukan mo ulit, wala namang bayad.
Wala namang masama sa pakikipagrelasyon, basta ba sinabe na ni tatay at nanay.
Noong bata pa ako, ayaw na ayaw kong mag-asawa. Ni magboyfriend o makipagfling lang(o diba bata pa lang alam na ang fling). Tuwing tinutukso ako nang mga kapwa bata ko sa mga ibang kababata naming sasabihin ko agad ‘ew!’ sabay irap at pasuka suka kungwari. Ganyan ako kabitch nung bata pa ako. Pero habang nagkakaedad ako, nagsimula na akong magkaroon ng crush, puppy love, first love, infatuation at kung ano-ano pa na maari mong makita sa notebook ng kaklase mong mahilig magpa-slam note. Naranasan kong mareject, umiyak, mageselos kahit hindi naman dapat, mangarap ng dilat, ng kirat, ng may kuliti at may sore eyes. Dahil din sa mga crush crush na yan e nagtop-2 ako sa klase ng wala sa oras, maimpress ko lang yung walang hiyang crush ko. At dahil alam kong gusto mong malaman ang mga sumunod pang nangyari, sige, nligawan nya yung isa sa mga bestfriend ko, binigyan ng anklet yung crush nya na kaklase namin at ginawa akong bridge, hanging bridge dun sa isa pa nyang crush na kaibigan ko din. Para akong taeng paulit ulit na inapakan.
Pero wag ka Te ! after 5 miraculous years, bigla syang sumulpot na parang kabute sa buhay ko. Ewan ko kung kaninong prokopyo nya nakuha yung number ko at bigla na lang nagtext na at nagtatatawag, kinakantahan pa ako sa celpon at sinabe pa sa aking matsutsugi na daw sya kaya kung pwede daw hayaan ko na lang syang mahalin ako. Pangpelikula? Malas nya hindi na ako yung dating baliw sa kanya, bilog nga talaga ang mundo ! (evil laugh)
Ganoon nga kasi talaga ata ang buhay, kung marunung kang mag-antay may karapat dapat at mas higit pang dadating para sayo. Yung mga pagsubok, kasama talaga yan ! pre-requisite yan ng pagiging masaya. Kung naloko ka man ngayon, kahapon o sa hinaharap man, wag kang mag-alala, wala ka pa naman sa kalahati ng buhay mo. Kung hindi mo pa natitikaman ang lahat ng klase ng putahe na pwede mong matikman, paano mo masasabi kung alin ang pinakamasarap? Subukan mo ang lahat, wag kang matakot.
Tanghalian. Kakatapos ko lang maglaba, magluto, maglinis ng bahay, maligo at magpapogi. Ang sarap ng ngata-ngata kung hotdog, sabayan pa ng namumutawi sa itlog na sinangag, natapos ng matagumpay at taimtim ang tanghalian ko. Pagkatapos e hinarap ko na ang banyo, nagmuni muni ako, nagvocalization ng unti at biglang parang binato ng jolen ang kokote ko, bakit nga ba ako nag-ulam ng hotdog?
KASI MAY KETCHUP ! NAKALIMUTAN KONG MAGKETCHUP! NGAYON UBOS NA YUNG HOTDOG WALA NA AKONG PAMBILI, TAPOS NA ANG TANGHALIAN ! YUNG KETCHUP HINDI KO NAPAKINABANGAN !
Ang ulan ang sarap matulog.