Paranoia

Afternoon.

An hour of sleep felt good. Everything seems so peaceful and meek, the trees, the wind, the sun’s fading warmth, everything is in their halcyon, but not this piece of cardiac muscle residing beneath my ribs. Oh yeah, cliché. I know, not cool.

What am I going to post? My life’s one heck of a rollercoaster ride lately and I still can’t cope up. I hate this feeling I have right now. So uncertain.

I want to move on from something I’m not really permitted to stay. Should I stay or leave? It doesn’t really matter, no one will care.

I’m missing someone, like I want to see him every night, talk to him every single minute, go out to different places with him, discuss every ideals we have, plan, oppose and predict the future. And by the end of the day we will watch the sun set together, in each other’s arms, smiling, talking and calling ourselves ‘friends’.

Hehe yeah, friends. I’m okay with it, for in fact it’s the only relationship we could ever have, we could ever be. When he leave, I don’t have the right to chase after him, when he cry I don’t have the right to make him happy, when he bleed I don’t have the right to heal him, when his afraid I don’t have the right to hide him in my arms, when his worried I don’t have the right to assure him what lies ahead, when he’s sick I don’t have the right to take care of him, when his broken I don’t have right to fix him, and when everything in his life is falling apart, I don’t have the right to pick each single pieces for him. 

I am just his friend.  Only a friend. No more, no less.